Written 1/20/23, starting ~ 9:53am
Hello people of the interwebs!
Happy (Lunar + Gregorian) New Year. Congratulations on making it another year, my nigga. Though the world is actively ending and circumstances are shifting as we know it, somehow we are some of the chosen few who still roam this planet while navigating this life thang. We give thanks.
I’ve been brainstorming what to write for the first newsletter installment of the year. I haven’t landed on any one idea concretely, so I decided to start writing and see where it takes me.
Let’s dive in.
On the 16th of January I entered my 25th year of life. Since my solar return, I’ve been reflecting on my journey, where I’ve came from and where I’ve been. Reading old journal entries, looking over old photographs, smirking at previous sent text messages.
It has been a time. I don’t feel too different than how I felt last week.
If anything, the lessons of the last quarter century are loud and present in my ears. There’s certain information I’m aware of that I can’t unsee or forget. It’s engrained in my very being, my knowingness regarding this life thang.
At this point, I know too much to turn back and not enough to give up. So…the only option is moving forward. Diving right into the things that scare me, unafraid and confident in my ability to land once I leap.
It’s refreshing.
For most of my life, I’ve been considered a pessimist (my Caps get it). I used to feel shame around my willingness to hold space for nuance and perspectives/possibilities beyond what I see. I don’t consider myself a devil’s advocate, (after all, why of all people does that nigga need an advocate?) but have experienced being labeled as such. With time, I’ve learned what most of those people were getting at was that they themselves lacked depth and room for nuance. Anyways, neither here nor there.
Nowadays I’m accepting of this ability. I now resonate with the idea of being a realist, someone rooted in truth and objectivity — not necessarily seeing a situation as bad, just seeing it as something to be dealt with.
It feels good, so we vibe.
Back to the story at hand, when January (really Mercury Rx) started, everything started making sense. I don’t know how else to explain it, something clicked and things started falling into place.
Emotionally, financially, with my home, mentally, creatively.
Shit is CLICKING right now, my niggas!
Again, it feels good, so we vibe. My apartment has come together very nicely. Beyond my studio space and needing to buy a bookshelf, every room is basically complete. Decorations are the next step. I’m giving myself a month or two to get decorations sorted in the space. I have a feeling it won’t take long.
And even if it does, I have all the time in the world to make it happen.
I decided to take a pause from recording vocals for the EP. Instead, I’m planning to travel to record the final vocals and instrumentation for the record. It’s hella exciting! I’m soooo close to being complete. Cherishing this feeling.
Still learning from the process and allowing myself to be malleable. You can only plan so much, what’s necessary is consistency that is sustainable. That’s a major key to completion of our goals and dreams.
25 feels good thus far.
I’ve been the most vulnerable and honest that I’ve ever been. I’m content in a way I have never felt before, flowing at ease especially in moments of discomfort. Of course, there have been moments of discomfort sprinkled into the rest, the difference now is rooted in how I choose to respond and engage with said discomfort.
It’s freeing, to say the least.
Focusing on what I can control and shrugging at everything else. What is for me never misses me, what is not aligned will decline.
I’ve been thinking a lot about manifestation. The ability to acquire and create whatever you allow your mind, body and will to prioritize.
When I was in rehab recovering from the accident in September, I remember telling a physical therapist about how I’d be out by Christmas. This was in October, I believe. He had chuckled under his breath and insisted that was not possible because scientifically blah blah blah. I told him I acknowledge the science and “medical advice” (whatever that is), but I was certain that I’d be released by Christmas. He asked me why I was so sure.
“I’m aware anything can be materialized. As long as one believes and pivots their focus in all ways to manifest said thing, it’s possible.” I stated firmly.
“Manifestation is real!” is a phrase I exclaim often. The niggas around me can attest. And that’s because that shit is fucking true! It’s divine, almost insane how powerful our minds are, especially when you align with your guides and the universe’s master plan. It’s not as challenging as I used to think to tap in. It’s easier than it seems.
So when this therapist was being a hater and insisting I’d be in rehab until February, I had to laugh. Listen, if you don’t want to believe in your ability to bring the life you dream of into fruition, dasonyou. We on this side enjoy utilizing the gifts our ancestors gave us. I wish you well.
I walked out of rehab on December 23, 2022. (1 month ago today!)
The more we strengthen our intuition, the easier it is for us to manifest exactly what we dream. I witnessed this firsthand multiple times during the last 4 months.
From my Christmas-rehab release, walking on my own without a cane, home decor, financial circumstance, productive/creative opportunities. Me and my team manifested that shit.
I get it now. I get what they meant when they said pray on it.
I get what they meant when they said dream it, do it, see it. I get what they were gifting us with. Simple spells to carry with us throughout our life journey, to pull out of our pocket when we least expect it. (Or maybe we do).
We are all alchemists who have the ability to materialize exactly what we dream so long as we stay fluid yet firm in our vision.
Funny how it always comes back to balance.
I’m still debating on sharing photos of my home with the world. The Cancer rising in me values privacy especially when it comes to my home space. For now, I’ll compromise and share with y’all a photo of my inner child shrine, fka my refrigerator. It’s become one of my favorite parts of my home.
555 things that made my day
Summer Vee’s Judas has me in a chokehold. The arrangement is simple, yet oozing with melancholy and harmony. And the vocals are yummy. I am recording a few live performances when I travel to record the EP. Hold me to it y’all!
Jordi, a good friend of mine from LA, shares this resource called The Life You Were Born to Live whenever they give a reading. I’m not into gatekeeping information, so give it a read through and let me know your thoughts!
My new bonnet stand. See below:
Ab-Soul’s MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE is my (alleged) villain origin story anthem. Resonated with every word, after reading about his near-death experience this song began hitting a lil deeper. Real recognize real, and I don’t know you well.
This year, rather than New Year’s Resolutions or a voice memo to self reflect on the previous year, I decided to make an IN/OUT list (word to Priya for the suggestion!) Attaching mine below, what’s on your IN/OUT list for 2023? Let’s chat about it!
Brief Medical Updates: I have not received confirmation on out-patient therapy (it’s been a month since rehab). I am still unable to work until March at the earliest, so I’m still raising funds to cover my recovery and new apartment costs. Please share and support my GoFundMe if you’re able. If you want to help get items for my new crib, check out my Amazon Wishlist too!
Thanks for being here, talk to y’all soon.
With care, Ny