The Concept of Returning Home

New music video out now

Where is home, when your miles away from the land you came from?

That’s the question I repeatedly asked myself upon returning from a month long impromptu stay in Costa Rica back in 2022. One day a month prior, I woke up and decided I wasn’t going to continue being overworked and under appreciated at my then job ( don’t work for agencies, kids!! ) I was tired of working a job that underpaid me yet demanded so much from me, and I finally said “fuck it.” A few hours later, I bought a round trip plane ticket to San Jose and started packing my bags.

At the time I was subletting various apartments, looking for my first solo 1.5 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. So it was easy to do an abrupt trip like this. ( I continued that apartment search for 5 months upon my return to the States — but that is a story for another day. ) During my time in Puerto Viejo, I had a lot of alone time. I spent my days writing music, sitting in silence, meditating, exploring the land, with the locals and chosen fam at the time that were based there. It was the first time in years where I could hear my thoughts, first and foremost. I sat a lot with myself then, really tuned in internally.

Much of R+B was recorded in Costa Rica, and I actually wrote NOVEMBER #9 after an intense but needed journaling session in my bungalow. Upon returning to the States, I spent my first day biking with a new friend. Then on the second day; I meditated, danced, and intuitively produced the instrumental for The Concept of Returning Home. Shortly after, I improvised the intro background vocals, and began freestyling and recording the song. The message came through with ease — 2 hours later, THE CONCEPT OF RETURNING HOME was made.

Listen to the original demo below

Not too long after I cut this demo, I wrote this about the record:

“THE CONCEPT OF RETURNING HOME" IS ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF HOME. THE REALITY THAT HOME IS RETURNING TO YOURSELF, IT’S RETURNING YOUR ATTENTION AND CARE BACK TO YOUR INNER MOST THOUGHTS. WHEN YOU LEAD WITH LOVE, IT’S EVERYWHERE YOU CARRY YOURSELF. T.C.O.R.H. IS ABOUT RE-CENTERING PLAY AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR INNER CHILD, WHILE RECONNECTING TO ONE'S CULTURAL ROOTS. REDEFINING AND REIMAGINING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HOME, TO KNOW HOME, TO BE A HOME OURSELVES.

HOW DOES ONE TRULY KNOW THE MEANING OF HOME IF THEY'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE LAND THEY CAME FROM?

The concept of returning home is interesting. As a queer genderfluid person of West African descent, home is a seemingly foreign idea. For obvious reasons, but if they are not…the Transatlantic slave trade, Jim Crow, redlining, gentrification. That on top of navigating what it means to be at home in your body, sexuality, gender expression. Many of you reading probably resonate; at times the concept of home feels both foreign and intangible. Then adding on that extra layer of what it means to actually return home, to return to the land you came from — it’s a complex conversation. My intention was to make a song that reflected this complexity in the simplest way possible. I hope that is felt.

Almost 2 weeks ago, I shared the music film for THE CONCEPT OF RETURNING HOME. We filmed it in March 2023 around the same time as BBI and LIVE FROM THE WEST SIDE — it was actually the first thing I filmed for R+B. The visual concept was inspired by Carrie Mae Weems’ Kitchen Table Series. I wanted to create a short film that illustrated elements of what I define as my concept of home while also depicting the feeling I associated (at the time) to home. Melancholy, reflection, disassociation, content, a bit of sadness too. We even got jollof rice for the set — Sierra Leonean style, duh.

I am very proud of this offering. It is the most personal piece I’ve shared with the world thus far, and the most thought out visual concept I’ve worked on to date. There’s a lot of personal elements in the video, and I even got my mom to do a quick cameo. Even though I held onto the offering a little longer than I initially planned, sharing it with the world at the end of 2024 felt like the perfect way to cap off a fantastic year. If you haven’t already, I suggest to take 2 minutes to witness THE CONCEPT OF RETURNING HOME in the physical realm. While you’re at it, share it with a loved one. Let me know how it resonated in the comments.

Initially this newsletter was meant to include a 2024 reflection, but honestly this is a pretty extensive installment. So I’ll leave you with this: where is home when you’re miles away from the land you came from? Part II coming soon.

Oh, and congratulations on making it to 2025 y’all. May this year bless you beyond your wildest dreams 🫂

With care,

Ny