What’s good y’all?
Chile, this (now past) month has a mf doozy to the point where my mind was uncomfortable with sitting still. That’s how I know life is moving real fast and I’m questioning if I can (still) stand the rain.
In true Earth sign fashion, I decided to busy myself with another task that will allow me to be active while also allowing for a point of reflection. Hence, why Hear Me Out, Aight? will always serve as a gift to myself.
This past March, I traveled back home to Los Angeles to work on various small projects that make up one larger artistic experience. Looking back, I am extremely proud of myself for how much I got done in a short amount of time, especially as I am still recovering from last September. March also marked 6 months from the experience back in September. Time is an impressive concept.
While back home I worked on about 5 different mini projects, found enough time to eat hella al pastor tacos, chased the sunset on weekday drives, and connected with some of my favorite people in my life. It felt so good to be home. It had been over 2 years since I returned home, and after those 3 months of stillness in the hospital I made sure to take in every single hug offered. I missed rolling up and dancing around in friends’ living rooms like we used to in high school and college, having a late night food craving and fulfilling it, deep conversations in the homie’s whip.
Those moments make up who I am. Those moments of softness are essential to understanding my being, and I am beyond grateful to have been reminded of this.
The powerful, thought-full conversations were vast and present frequently. I remember speaking with my homegirl Auree while we were driving somewhere, probably to smoke and/or fulfill a food desire. We met a few months before I moved to NYC 4 years ago, and she has become one of my closest friends (Love me an evolved earth sign x water sign relationship). As usual, we exchanged laughs while I shared with her the latest and greatest in my personal endeavors (aka tea).
At some point in the conversation, she turned to me and said with a smile “Honestly, Ny, I am so proud of you.” I don’t remember my reply exactly, most likely a mixture of a big grin and an “aw thank you!” Auree proceeded sharing how she appreciated my consistency in being consistent: in my personal healing, in my relationships, in my dedication to bringing this and any idea to life. In the moment, I appreciated the sentiment deeply. Since then, I have recounted her words and that of other loved ones often. I hold them close.
The feeling of being seen is something I am still finding the words for. It is a feeling I was unfamiliar with as a child and much of my young adult life…well, let’s elaborate on that. If we’re talking being seen as in “being perceived with the eyes, or being a spectator of (watch),” off that merit people have seen me my whole life. However, I am referring to being seen as in “discerning or deducing mentally after reflection or from information; ascertain after inquiring, considering, or discovering an outcome; understand,” a definition I am still discovering and learning for myself.
I prefer being seen in the sense of the latter versus the former. Being perceived has never been my prerogative, being learned and understood (in a sense) is what I dreamt of. But being understood isn’t necessarily the goal either. I recognize that no matter how clear and direct one communicates, understanding may not take place. There are multiple factors that contribute to that “understanding,” it’s a case by case type of gift one receives when offering their thoughts or experiences. So, yeah. Being learned is preferred and deserved.
Since turning 25 in January, time has felt more and more like my friend. To be able to have time and space between experiences to reflect and innerstand why circumstances played out the way they did is sumn I do not take lightly. Perception is a gift. I find myself speaking a lot less in certain situations and speaking with my chest in ways I only saw in my mind. And what a relief, to know that there’s room for this knowingness and perception in this lifetime. And unknowingness.
I enjoy not knowing as much as I do know. I enjoy being able to step out of myself and really see myself. Beyond the projections, the fears, the goofy exterior, the complex layers. Really seeing myself, beyond what you niggas see. Loving and accepting what I see beyond what y’all see. The ones who get it, will.
This newsletter edition was created on the backs of Mercury Retrograde and its shadow period. Their energy has been extremely present for me as I reflect and recount the past few weeks. Collaboration and communication has been at the center of the lessons I’ve personally been presented with. Recounting old ways of processing hurt and betrayal, acknowledging how much I’ve grown with forgiving myself in moments where fucked up situations are happening and all I can do is…witness.
It is currently May 9th, 2023. I have been writing this newsletter over the course of the last few weeks. At the moment, it feels more authentic this way. During this month, I am completing the final details and wrapping up the creative experience that’s been occupying my headspace for 3 years. It is almooooossssst time to share this universe I’ve created with the world, I’m extremely excited and ready to share with y’all. Mystique is fun, but I also value clarity and openness especially when it comes to me and my creations.
That’s all for now. Sending ease to all reading or listening, I look forward to speaking with and unveiling my lil baby to you very soon.
With love, Ny
555 things that made my day
Since finishing Bel-Air, I have had a slight fixation on media focused on Black youth playing basketball. I was amazed at how many shows have come out in the past few years (and not really surprised at the lack of stories highlighting Black women and LGBTQIA+ folks). Here’s a few of my favorites: Survivor’s Remorse, Swagger, The Crossover.
My recent vinyl record haul:
Any vinyl lovers wanna link up in NYC in the next few weeks to record shop and/or listen to our collections? Hit me! A tweet from my buddy Def. Check out their latest release, Run It Up!
This beautiful plant spot and its plant friends. Located at New Saba Deli and Grocery in Brooklyn.
Here’s me being giddy with a begonia maculata 🌱 A TikTok of a running baby. Trust me, you need this.
Otra Brief Personal Updates: I haven’t been able to make it to physical therapy the last 3 sessions due to ableism and negligence experienced from a ADA rideshare program. Yep, their job is to help disabled folks yet they was making it mad difficult. It’s been a process to get back into the swing of things physically as well as emotionally. If you have interest and capacity to support, I am accepting donations via Venmo/Zelle/CashApp.
I am also available for music, event production and other creative freelance and project-based work. Know of some music teaching gigs? Need a project manager to help with rollout? Have an event you dream of bringing into fruition? Holla at me, I am happy to help! Attached here is my resume that highlights my programming and production experience plus my website that outlines some of my creative work.
Thank you in advance for your focus.
Sending ease your way.